sunday thought i

It’s been a super weird year & it feels a lot like this one may be not dissimilar. In one aspect, we are experienced at life within the pandemic, we may not have all the knowledge & understanding, but we have put coping mechanisms in place.

You’ll never understand your inner strength until you require it, even then, you’ll only really feel it when you look back in years to come. You are resilient, you are stronger than you think.

Except, that’s sort of where I’m struggling this year. Last year it was so unexpected, we leapt into action & resolve mode. Temporarily adapting, but that’s just it, we are just in a holding pattern, unable to continue with our paths.

On some level, that’s not okay, but then I feel guilty, because really, I’m blessed.

Let us just evaluate that for a second though, yes I’m blessed, which I’ll touch upon, but it’s also okay to feel overwhelmed, uncertain and more fragile than usual. These emotions are all valid, even if the outer shell of your life is ‘fine’, or ‘nice’.

I’ve not seen my family, but we are able to keep in touch, I am not alone, I have companionship. I am able to keep working currently. Actually, on a deeper level, am I living, or am I just surviving?

I think many of us, have in fact gone into survival mode, my aim this month is to set fresh intentions & boundaries. Last year I overworked, I just put everything on hold, because I could and because it was temporary.

I’ve no real idea and not enough of an understanding to say things will return to how they once were, things seldom do in this life. Instead, you learn to evolve around it. It’s just we’ve never had to do that as a planet before.

I returned to blogging, not with any great ambition, but actually because it soothes a little. It’s a place to put the thoughts & let them be, without filling my mind.

Staying safe, keeping others safe, that’s the priority. I’ll do all the necessary things & stay home, but it’s hard to keep on the good side of emotions at times. Sometimes I feel afraid, uncertain, like I need to escape.

Know this, whatever this time is, it too shall pass. Time moves all things on & we will be stronger for unduring it.

I intent to dig deep and build on my relationships this year. I plan to look internally, have the difficult conversations with myself & really work on myself, then I can maintain stronger relationships with the people in my life.

Blogging is a path for me, I turned to blogging in a previous chapter, when I needed a space to write, it helped then, just as it does today. Whatever you need in these turbulent times, it’s okay.

I’d love to sit here & share my plans and ideas for my life, but there’s no real plans I can put in place for the big things, so instead I will look at the little things.

Self-care is more than just hot baths and uplifting quotes. It’s about actually developing a relationship with yourself, understanding yourself & living a life that brings that balance you need.

I don’t know how long the lockdown will last, but I will continue to evaluate myself, to create & to cultivate the life I wish to live.

I hope that all of you find the strength to do the same, whatever your beacon of hope is. If today just staring at the tv helps, then do it, do not punish yourself for the things that are out of your control, just focus on what is ahead of you in your immediate space, everything else is just a little step on from where you stand.

With that in mind, I want to be grateful for the blessings in my life, so each day I aim to find something I feel blessed for and to re-align my perspective so that I can find balance in my immediate moments. I’ll find the formula to balance for the future when that time comes.

I’ve had enough of being overwhelmed, of being afraid. I once again choose life, I will fight. I will love. I will find peace. I will be present in my life.

Here are some mantras that I find helpful during this time, I would encourage you to use these mantras, even if they are only spoken allowed once.

It’s okay to feel overwhelmed – a lot of us are, please don’t feel like you can’t be open about that. Humans are good at supporting one another, especially when that is a shared trauma.

It’s okay to change your mind and change your mind again. Some days I am productive, others I just have to make it through the day. You are human. You are not invincible, your energy matters.

It’s okay to admit, I am not okay in this moment and seek to step back, switch off social media, whatever you need to do, to protect yourself, taking a break from the internet can be a very healthy experience.

Live long and prosper my human tribe, Namaste.

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